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we've got these chains that hang around our necks [12 Sep 2007|05:14pm] [ mood | contemplative ] [ music | what a good boy - barenaked ladies ] oh, look, i'm writing an entry without anyone telling me to!! so, today was fine, i guess. in chem, we got to burn candles, so i played with wax and solidified it on my finger to make a fingerprint, which was fun. and then i touched a burning piece of wire gauze and got a cross hatched patterned burn on my thumb, which is pretty cool! and then i got home and got molly's package of cookies, which made me super happy! and then i saw my emails and fucking edline. holy shit i hate this thing so much. my parents knew about my history grade even before i did! not okay. it was the first quiz and i got 5/10 questions right.....also meaning i got a 50%. which i wasn't worried at all about at the time because i like the fraction 1/2 and dirivitives thereof and i can do quiz corrections, which i did, to get a 75. and for the first quiz, that's not that bad, especially because we had 6.5 minutes for 10 questions, and got used to the AP test format. i didn't think it was a big deal, but my dad sent an email that was like "we need to talk". but there really isn't anything to talk about. i didn't sign up for this class to have a good grade - i could care less about that, but to learn alot with DeSorgher, because he's an amazing teacher and historian. And i have learned heaps already. probably more than all of last year! and i've done all the work and think that i'm doing fine cause i'm learning stuff. this is why i hate grades so much. it's just a constant judgement in a world where judgements are made way too redily. and i don't like to judge or stereotype or anything as much as possible, and i actively try not to. but grades really are just a judgement. not of how much you've learned, but of your test-taking abilities and stuff. i hate that stereotypes are immediately put on babies and children starting from birth. i hate when they're based on gender, it pisses me off. why is gender important at all?? let me share some barenaked ladies lyrics: When I was born, they looked at me and said, "What a good boy, what a smart boy, what a strong boy." And when you were born, they looked at you and said, "What a good girl, what a what a smart girl, what a pretty girl." We've got these chains that hang around our necks people want to strangle us with them before we take our first breath. Afraid of change, afraid of staying the same, when temptation calls, we just look away. I go to school, I write exams, if I pass, if I fail, if I drop out, does anyone give a damn? And if they do, they'll soon forget 'cause it won't take much for me to show my life ain't over yet. I wake up scared, I wake up strange. I wake up wondering if anything in my life is ever going to change. I wake up scared, I wake up strange and everything around me stays the same. yah, so basically, there are lyrics to describe any feeling or thought anyone has. at least there are for me. post comment

I used to carry the weight of the world [09 Sep 2007|04:29pm] [ mood | content ] [ music | my Chick CD ]  ....but now all i wanna do is spread my wings and fly -Chantal Kreviazuk good song! well, i'm feeling lots better today, and i think i will in general for a while, which is good. i'm more confident and feel like i can do this. i can handle anything that's thrown at me - which is alot now. i have to do a huge map of the 13 colonies for AP US and lots of other stuff too, but it doesn't feel so bad anymore. there's so much scheduling stuff that goes on and everything's starting up - senior high, jazz choir, drama....it's Alot to handle, but i can do it. as long as i remember that the most important thing is my friends and just smiling and loving everyone. that's really what Dan would've wanted. and i'm glad it's easier to talk about him now with most people -not Alex, but we can remember the good times and smile. and Falling is Like This is the song that just came on and i love it, so i felt like i should say that. what a good song. Ani DiFranco - for refrence. seeing perri today made me realize all of this and that it's really okay to be yourself and try to fit in where you can and don't where you can't. it doesn't matter what others at school care about, like fashion or popularity or whatever. i forgot that i don't care, and now i remember. personality is really all that should matter. life is beautiful and should be seized as long as we have it for. in the end, the work for school and stuff doesn't matter: it's the friendships and Love that you share. the bad times don't matter. the Love is what you'll remember. 4 comments|post comment

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